So, one morning recently, Little Miss J and P went to feed the guinea pigs as per usual. Seconds later I hear hysterical screaming. Oh God, I thought, please don't say that another guinea pig has popped its clogs. She comes running out of the room shouting "There's a dead foot in the hay. And I've touched it!". Puzzled, I had a nightmarish vision of one of our guinea pigs limping around the cage with only three legs and the fourth nestling in the hay bedding.
Fortunately, Mr J and P was on hand to investigate further. He reappeared clutching, in one hand, the bag of hay bought from the local supermarket which we keep by the guinea pigs' cage and, in the other, a dried and still partly furry leg of a ....deer - compelete with black cloven hoof!
Yes, a DEER LEG. Cue more hysterical screaming - this time from me.
Wanna see a picture? Of course you do. Here we go:
A close-up *shudder*:
Nestling in the hay:
What horrified and at the same time amused me was the branding: ‘My Little Friend Meadow Hay’, complete with a cutesy image of a little bunny, hamster and some other small rodent, together with the promise:"hygienic and easy to use".
What's worrying are the whereabouts of the the rest of the poor creature's grisly remains? Are we likely to hear of a flurry of similar scarey finds up and down the country? Perhaps some other junior pet lover will discover wee Bambi's head, or worse, in another bag. Maybe another family has hit the jackpot and found a brace of venison steaks. I dread to think!
Mr J and P, the shameless publicity seeking media whore that he is, contacted our local paper and a day later, we were emblazened across their website. A day after that and we were featured in the Mail online. And, this week, Mr J and P and Little Miss were front page news in the local paper and on bill boards outside every newsagents. They were even featured in the revered publication that is Guinea Pig Today.
Yup, it's all happening here.
We had to laugh at the Daily Mail readers who accused us of being greedy because we "wanted compensation" and that we should "get a life" (yes, I'm talking to you Bunty of Ipswich). What a cheek! Er yes, a bag of hay, preferably without a rotting deer leg, would be nice!
Hay ho, gotta go, deer readers! (that was rubbish, sorry; feel free to come up with better puns in your comments).
BREAKING NEWS: The nice Mr Supermarket man has just sent us some vouchers as compo. Hoorah!